Greetings from Sacramento!  Yes, I’m on the road again.  Go figure.  So, I’ve been thinking about failure a lot lately, and I think I can now say with 100% assuredness, that I am going to fail on this diet… There is no doubt in my mind.  Try as I might to do the wrong thing, I am going to manage to mess it up.  I’ll get depressed or frustrated or stressed and I will reach for the fridge.

But I’m okay with that.  Yes, I will fail, but the clock doesn’t stop there… a failure is just another chance to get back on track.

I’m sure you can see where this is going.  Thursday was actually a fine day.  I hit 1950 calories, and that was fine.  Friday was date night, so I had no intention of spending the evening worrying about calories.  I wanted to focus on a night out with my wife.  Focused on my wife rather than on food (either in a good way or bad).  I probably exceeded my 2000 calorie limit, but just barely.  Saturday, however, I just didn’t… I have no idea how many calories I took in, but it wasn’t good.  I’d guess somewhere near 3000.

Rather than deal with it, I opted to just wallow, and spent Sunday pissed off and obsessed with food… as a result I had about 1300 calories that day and woke up RAVENOUS yesterday.  I had my granola bar and banana for breakfast, but I was fairly miserable the entire day.  Danielle and I did dinner at Lucille’s Smokehouse BBQ which aside from the seemingly smoke-free taste of the brisket was pretty good.  Calories ended up right at 1900 for the day.

I was last night when I was contemplating the possibility of the Banana pudding for dessert, that I started thinking about the inevitability of failure and that I really needed to accept the fact that I was not fail-proof if I ever wanted to make real progress.  Accepting that fact is, oddly, revitalizing.  Yes, I will fail, but just because I did, doesn’t mean I have to keep doing so.  Yes, I will fail, but I don’t have to fail right now…

…After that thought, I just didn’t feel the need for the pudding anymore.

My grandmother also died yesterday.  I was about to reach into the food bag which is, apparently, my favorite coping mechanism, but happily, I packed a yoga mat for this trip, so I went through a workout routine, instead.   Sadly, I packed a Suzanne Deason dvd rather than a Rodney Yee one, but it’s good enough, and kept me from crying into the pork rinds.

Funeral is in the morning, and I’m on standby for a redeye, but have a few hours before I have to leave for the airport.

As for today, well… let’s run the numbers.

Food Intake:

  • Breakfast – Granola bar (dang hotel didn’t have any bananas)  150 calories.
  • Morning snack – Banana (but the training center did) – 100 calories
  • Lunch – Roast beef sammich, chips, salad, pickle – 500 calories
  • Dinner – Mongolian beef – 800 calories

1550 calories total.  The mongolian beef was supposed to be extra spicy, but sadly no.  I ate about half, skipped the rice entirely, and when everyone else ordered some really great looking desserts (including fresh-made banana cream pie), I passed without effort.

The lunch sandwich was pretty good.  No cheese, mustard and I discarded the top piece of bread (there really wasn’t much meat, so after eating a tomato separately, it was easy to fold and enjoy the “half sandwich”).  Chips were individually bagged, so I was able to get an accurate calorie count.  I did snag another banana from the training center for in the morning, so I’m good there.

As per exercise, well, I’m about to do hit the pool and then do some yoga.